Hey Dishes – why aren’t you blogging?
It’s been a couple months and nobody’s even visiting your site anymore.
So here I am, with a weird and wonderful project. But first, I’m going to procrastinate by reciting the theme song to Disney’s animated Gummi Bears cartoon, entirely from memory:
Dashing and daring, courageous and caring,
Helpful and friendly with stories to share
All through the forest they sing out in chorus
Marching along as their song fills the air
Gummi Bears! Bouncing here and there and everywhere
High adventure that’s beyond compare
They are the Gummi Bears
Magic and mystery are part of their history
Along with the secret of Gummi Beary juice
Their legend is growing, they feel pride in knowing
They fight for what’s right in whatever they do
Gummi Bears! Bouncing here and there and everywhere
High adventure that’s beyond compare
They are the Gummi Bears
They are the Gummi Bears!
I barely remember that show. I don’t remember any of the characters’ names, what the plot was, or anything. I have a vague recollection that they traveled by some sort of underground roller coaster, and that the Gummi Beary juice would make them bounce really high. And their bouncing was somehow weaponized against the villains. That’s it.
Why do I still remember the theme song almost word-perfect (confession – it’s faithful and friendly, not helpful)? It’s been off the air for 27 years. Well that’s a mystery too. It’s been taking up real estate in my brain where something practical could live, like maybe
long division or how to change the oil in my car. Hopefully now that I’ve gotten it out, it will disappear and leave room for an important life skill.
Enough procrastinating! Here’s what I did.
Homemade gummy bears? Why? Well I read an article on Buzzfeed (truly an inspirational site) called “I made homemade gummy bears because I lost control of my life”. Then I took a quiz telling me what pasta shape I am based on which Kardashian vegan millenial K-Pop meme pizza Twitter zodiac Amazon ad. Two prime days later I had my molds.
While I didn’t make quite as many as the author, I still spent the better part of the weekend doing this for no reason. Oh, and I made them all alcohol based because why
not? Boozy bears? Rummy bears? I don’t have a clever name for them.
The formula, once you’ve played with it for a bit, becomes pretty easy to work with: two envelopes of clear gelatin to half a cup of your choice of liquid. And yes, I chose booze.
My first batch was screwdriver flavored – vodka, OJ, and clear gelatin. Yum. You just sprinkle the gelatin over the liquid and let it “bloom” for a minute or two. Then heat and whisk. Heat and whisk. (Yep, I pulled out my teeny tiny adorable whisk just for this. I actually never use it unless blogging.)
The molds kindly came with eyedroppers to help fill them, so here’s the first batch ready to go into the fridge:
Then 10-15 minutes later:
Holy moly! I made gummy bears!
Then, as the Buzzfeed writer did, I lost my damn mind and kept making them. I bought a bag of odd liquor things – a wine cooler, some Sour Apple Pucker, Fireball, etc. My kitchen was starting to look like the set of To Catch a Predator. 48 hours later I’d made nine varieties:
But how do they taste? Oh gawd – really bad. Some of them have an intangible cloud of booze stench surrounding them. The texture isn’t exactly like gummy bears – which can actually be quite hard and chewy. It’s more like a really strong, powerful Jell-O. Like strong enough to support your body weight. Some of them taste like almost nothing.
The margarita bears, in particular, have an extreme mezcal flavor. The smell of the mint julep bears will blow your hair back. (Kentucky, y’all!) I take them to work (where they are remarkably cool about occasional booze showing up), and they are sampled enthusiastically by several people. They don’t enthusiastically ask for seconds, but that’s
fair. The most common question is how many would it take to get a buzz? Well there are maybe 4 ounces of alcohol in the strongest ones. Each batch made around 50 bears. So by my calculations (which are, of course, wrong) it would take at least 25 bears to equal
not-quite one drink. That’s a whole lot of terrible gummy candy to choke down. And that’s not accounting for some alcohol cooking off.
Again – why? Because. That’s why. And they are super cute. Suh kyoot. You could even make these with flavored Jell-O, fruit juice, or Kool-Aid and leave the alcohol out entirely. You could. If you’re boring.
(Note: The theme to Disney’s Adventures of the Gummi Bears was written by Michael and Patty Silversher. I’m not sure how to direct proper credit, so I’ll mention it here. They are also responsible for lot of Muppet songs and Disney sequel music, as well as the “Tale Spin Theme (Spin It!)” I’m equally sure that some of these alcohol names need trademarks, but I’m using a free open source word processor, so I can’t figure out how to do that.)
illdothedisheslater 