illdothedisheslater

“I’ve been collecting Alfredos for a month or so.”

Question:  Why are you doing this?

Answer:  I don’t know.  It just struck my fancy.  I’m medium-addicted to Fettuccine Alfredo with Chicken from Sam’s Club, and they won’t tell me what sort of sauce it is.
Alfredo is delicious, but it’s a pain in the butt to make and has to be served immediately or it will break.  I’m always looking for an easy weeknight meal.  It’s an excuse to have the girls over and day drink.  So here we go.

The Contenders (In no particular order):

Prego Homestyle Alfredo

Classico Creamy Alfredo

Buitoni Alfredo Sauce

Barilla Creamy Alfredo

Ragu Classic Alfredo

Bertolli Alfredo Sauce

Trader Giotto’s Alfredo Pasta Sauce

Newman’s Own Alfredo

The Judges:

Dishes herself, Misty-Dawn, Super Sprout, and Marsha (not their real names).  Three of my wonderful girlfriends have agreed to come over and try these sauces, during which we will also chat, catch up, drink, bitch, etc.  At the end of the day one sauce will emerge victorious.  This will be a blind tasting, mostly.  I’m just assigning numbers to the sauces, and the other tasters will have no idea what they’re trying.  I have a vague
notion of which sauce is which, but will mostly not remember.

I have quite the set up.  One of the major problems with Alfredo is keeping it hot without it breaking or developing a skin.  I’ve got all eight sauces in numbered mason jars, warming in a roasting pan on the stove (pretty ingenious, right?).

The fettuccine is precooked, and will be heated in simmering water in my much-loved but seldom-used pasta basket – you know, just like they do at Sbarro!

Sorry about the glare.  This was the best picture I could manage on a beautiful sunny day unless I sent Mr. Dishes outside with a parasol to block the window, and he fled in horror at the mention of cream sauces.

I fall down on pictures as we move on – this was an exhausting day of dishing up 32(!) small portions of noodles and sauce, overloading on carbs, and running back and forth
between table and stove.  And then there were dishes… Boy howdy were there dishes.

Without further ado, the winner is….

Buitoni!  I’m not terribly surprised.  Tasting notes follow, and we had quite a time tossing out professional-sounding phrases like “coats the pasta”, “mouthfeel”, and “gross aftertaste”.  I’m including some nutritional info if that’s your bag – obviously it’s not mine or I wouldn’t be eating eight different cream sauces on a Sunday afternoon.  Serving sizes for all brands were ¼ cup, and all brands ranged from between two to four g. carbs per serving – no big variety there.  Regular (not sale) prices on all brands range from $1.79 (Ragu) to $3.99 (Buitoni) so this isn’t a game for big spenders.  I went with (mostly) readily available grocery brands (if you have a Trader Joe’s near you), and avoided the pricier, harder to find jars (that are probably better?)

Newman’s Own Alfredo:

Creamy, bland in a good way, green-can cheese flavor.

Fun facts: This crunchy-granola-organic brand had the most ingredients out of the bunch, with over 20 items on the label.

The first three ingredients are water, cream, and “parmesan cheese blend”.

This tied (with Bertolli) for highest sodium (410mg).

Prego Homestyle Alfredo:

Thicker, bland, nice texture, heavy nutmeg flavors.

Fun facts:  One of the only sauces to contain sugar.

The first three ingredients are water, cream, and butter.

This tied (with Barilla) for lowest fat (6g).

Bertolli Alfredo Sauce:

Cheesier, more complex, pronounced garlic and onion flavors, a little oily.

Fun facts:  This came up most often in searches for “Best jarred Alfredo”

The first three ingredients are water, cream, and butter.

This tied (with Newman’s Own) for highest sodium (410mg).

Buitoni Alfredo Sauce:

Bland in a good way, tastes like real cheese, buttery.

Fun facts: Only brand sold in refrigerated case; fewest ingredients (only 10!)

The first three ingredients are water, cream, and butter.

This brand was highest in fat (10g) and calories (150).  By a lot.

Barilla Creamy Alfredo:

Smells nice, thinnest sauce, flavorful, bad aftertaste, gets worse with each bite.

Fun facts:  One of only two sauces that has oil in the the top three ingredients.

The first three ingredients are water, sunflower oil, and cream.

Tied (with Prego) for lowest fat (6g).

Ragu Classic Alfredo:

Smells bad.  Like cardboard. Burnt garlic.  Worst.

Fun facts: Also has oil in the top three ingredients and was the only brand that no one finished.  I mean I was serving little tiny bowls – maybe three or four bites in each.

The first three ingredients are water, soybean oil, and cream.

Trader Giotto’s Alfredo Pasta Sauce:

Super bland, thickest sauce, weird aftertaste, a little sour maybe?

Fun facts: none really.  This was just so, so bland.

The first three ingredients are water, cream, and parmesan cheese.

This brand had the lowest sodium (280mg).

Classico Creamy Alfredo:

Nicely bland, no bad aftertaste, would make a good base for a recipe, second favorite.

Fun facts:  This one was in the lead for favorite before Buitoni came along.

First three ingredients are water, cream, and parmesan.

This brand has the lowest calories per serving (50! How do they do that?)

So to sum up, we’re all feeling a little sickly at the moment.  Eight sauces are too many to try in one day, and I just don’t have the resources and manpower to present them all at the same time for comparison.

Winners:  Buitoni and Classico

Losers:  Ragu and Barilla

Coincidence?:  Both losers had oil in the top three ingredients.

The rest were squarely in the middle.

All were bland.

Surprises: Classico – cheap and pretty good!  Newman’s – not great, highest sodium, and SO many ingredients.  Trader Giotto’s – expected better.

None were really good enough to eat on their own with just noodles.  Most could have used some salt.

If anyone is worried about how extremely wasteful this seems, let me assure you the leftovers from the top two brands went into a casserole with the leftover pasta, some rotisserie chicken, and fresh chopped Italian Parsley and disappeared into the stomachs of my co-workers.  I kept a middle of the road jar to sneak pills to my elderly dog for a few days, and the rest, right or wrong, went into the trash.

And since I completely blew it as far as pictures of the actual tasting, I started playing with photoshop and filters and found one called Burlesque, so I present to you eight sexy Alfredo sauces: