Madam Hooch: Plum Brandy
Sorry (again and again) for the long absence. I took a much-needed vacation, and have spent every spare free second making jam – squirreling away those little jars like I’m Ma-Freaking-Ingalls. Since my preserved meat experiment didn’t exactly work out, my value post-apocalypse has suddenly dropped. I figure everyone will still have a sweet tooth, so I can barter for goods and services with jam.
Or this! Let’s try making brandy!
This sounds like an award-winning terrible idea. You have no idea what you’re doing. You could poison yourself and everyone you love.
But plums are on sale and in season! This particular breed is called “Midnight Moon”. I could call it Midnight Moonshine! Plus I really doubt that EVERYONE I love will have a sip. Probably only three or four.
Fermentation is a very exact science. Your eight minutes of intensive internet research doesn’t exactly make you an expert.
Shut up, other me. I’m not setting up a still in the backyard (…yet) (ominously). I found a bunch of variations online where you just kind of combine fruit and booze and let it sit for a couple months, then – boom – brandy!
I give up on you. Go ahead. Make yourself sick. Poison everyone. That’s not even real brandy.
Okay!
This is a pretty easy recipe:
2 lbs. ripe plums
1 ½ cups sugar
2 tablespoons lemon juice
1 cinnamon stick
4 cups vodka
I choose to let the vodka remain shrouded in brown paper mystery, as I bought practically the cheapest rot-gut I could find. Several recipes suggested grain alcohol, but Everclear was too spendy for an experiment that will likely end up in the trash/toilet/Molotov cocktail.
Quarter the plums and stick them into either a half-gallon or two one-quart mason jars. I’m using quart jars, since that’s what they had at Kroger. One pound of plums per jar:
Pour ¾ cup sugar into each jar, followed by one tablespoon of lemon juice. Break the cinnamon stick in half. When it shatters, remember that you’ve had it in the cupboard for probably 3-4 years. Ignore the voice in your head.
But-
Ignore it, I said.
Screw the caps on tightly – as tight as you can by hand. The jars will live on the counter for two weeks. Every day, turn it over to promote sugar dissolvance (not a word) and mixing. Then stash the jars in a closet or cabinet for ninety days.
This is not the most complicated recipe – sure – but it’s going to take three months to complete. Check back in to see how it turns out! Or even just to see if I died?
illdothedisheslater 