illdothedisheslater

Sit down and write, Dishes.

But… Orange is the New Black?

Sit down.  You can put it on in the background.

Solitaire?

Why are you stalling?

Oh I don’t know.  I had the plague for two weeks.  Work is stressful.  We had to take both pets to the vet at once, which always drains me for at least three days.  Mr. Dishes started a new job and was out of town for a week.  When alone I forget how to be a functional adult, stay up too late, and mess the house up spectacularly.  I exerted a lot of energy digging out my winter PJ’s, since I was going to be spending a lot of time on the couch. We had The Conjuring on Tivo, which is almost as scary as actually watching it.  I kept asking myself “What if I watch The Conjuring alone?  At night?  I’ll never get to sleep!  I’ll be up all night waiting for a creepy doll to crayon on the walls, or disembodied hands to clap next to my head and push me down the stairs.  Why would anyone keep a doll that creepy anyway?  It looks filthy.  Remember that time Patrick Wilson was naked in just about every movie he’s ever been in except for The Conjuring?  What was that noise?”  It stressed me out, man.

You could have used the time as an opportunity to blog.  Your computer chair is very squeaky, which would explain any strange noises.  Your pets will always manage to be in the same room as you, like for protection, even though they are both profoundly deaf at this point.  Remember that big gorgeous Sicilian Pizza you made?  Tell us a little about that.

(Heaves big sigh.)  Okay here’s the dough stuff:
(Recipe mostly from Cook’s Illustrated.)

2 ¼ Cups AP flour
2 C Semolina flour
1 teaspoon sugar
1 teaspoon rapid-rise yeast
1 2/3 cups ice water
3 tablespoons olive oil
2 ¼ teaspoons salt

Mix dry ingredients (except salt).  Slowly add wet ingredients.  Cover and let stand 10 minutes.  Add salt, mix for 6-8 minutes until a ball forms.  (Salt slowly kills yeast, so a little time without means a better rise.  Yay science!)

You’re barely trying here.

But… Science!  Also it’s been a few weeks.  I don’t really remember what I did.  And this is the OITNB episode where Black Cindy starts her conversion to Judaism, which is one of my favorite b-plots of all time.

As previously discussed a long, slow, cold rise means more flavorful dough, so this goes in the fridge for at least 24 hours.  I think it’s in there for something like 36 or more, since I got up really early when I started this.  I have high hopes – look how it turns out:

(Heaves another big sigh.) Now sauce:

1 28 oz. can whole peeled tomatoes, drained.  Not delightfully crushed by hand.
2 teaspoons sugar
¼ teaspoon salt
¼ cup olive oil
3 cloves of garlic, minced
1 tablespoon tomato paste
1 teaspoon dried oregano
¼ teaspoon red pepper flakes
3 anchovy fillets, minced

Okay, no.  Just no.  I did the anchovy thing already.  An alternative suggestion (I guess for vegetarians?) is to double the salt.  I’m not buying, smelling, and generally dealing with those hairy little fish again.  Even if it provides “savory, not fishy depth”.

Spin the tomatoes, sugar, and salt in a blender or food processor.  Saute the garlic in oil, add red pepper flakes and oregano.  Add the tomato mixture.

To quote Miss Clavel, something is not right.  This smells terrible.  I review the ingredients.  Tomatoes, garlic, spices…  Something is very wrong.  I taste.  I make Mr. Dishes taste.  It’s terrible.  Maybe the tomatoes are too old?  The garlic past its prime?  I can’t figure it out.  I chuck it in the trash, regretfully, and resort to my standard sauce of crushed tomatoes and Penzey’s Pizza Seasoning.  The dough is just too attractive to jeopardize with a substandard sauce.

Preheat oven to 500, with a pizza stone on the upper-middle rack.  Spray a rimmed baking sheet with one to two tablespoons of olive oil.  Gently, patiently, and gradually stretch the dough to fill the pan.

Cover with plastic wrap and place a second baking sheet on top, and let it rise for another hour.

Then just top and bake at 450 (why 500 then? why?) for 20 to 25 minutes.  Half mushroom for my sainted brother, for whom it is getting increasingly harder to cook, and half pepperoni.  3 cups of shredded, whole-milk mozzarella.

It look amazing.  I would even say amaze-balls, but I’m not a 12 year old boy, despite sharing a sense of humor with them.

Aaannd…  (drumroll)  It’s okay.  Even pretty good.  But the dough really got my hopes up.  I think the semolina, while adding flavor, made it a bit dense.  The sauce (my wonderful sauce!) wasn’t quite strong enough to compete with the dough.  I’m not thrilled, to be honest.  Also, Marcella Hazan insists that Sfincione is a stuffed pizza, not what I made last time, which makes me wonder if Sicilians are just kind of fucking with us.  This is why I don’t focus too much on “authenticity”, but makes me feel like I have to make Sfincione again.

Am I done now?  Can I go watch TV please?

C+ effort at best.