Forty Acres and Mouli: Crack Dip
So I have a lot of scattered thoughts today, and no real way to connect them. I also came up with a great clever title, and have no idea how to shoehorn it into the topic at hand.
Today’s theme is entertaining, which is something I am terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad at. Good hostesses say things like, “Welcome! Let me take your coat. Please come into the parlor.” and things of that nature. I say things like, “I think the cat threw up in that chair.” and “Let me first apologize for my bathroom.” I think it boils down to the fact that a good hostess thinks first about the comfort of her guests, while I think first about the comfort I get from my couch and how I really don’t want to get up or clean my house. C’est la vie.
I have yet another party to attend this evening and have been asked to bring an appetizer. Ignoring the fact that I’m still battling the last remnants of cold/shitty work week/thorough exhaustion, and also the fact that I’m going to a party tonight and I’m pretty sure I’ve completely forgotten how to apply makeup, we’ll continue on with the theme of attractive food, which – again – I’m not so great at. Fortunately my Aunt M. has given me permission to share her recipe for BLT Dip, which displays beautifully, but is neither fussy nor healthy. Aunt M. is a fabulous hostess – the house is always clean and welcoming, you can barely get in the door before there’s a drink in your hand, and oh! the food! My stars! My relatives are prodigious eaters (and drinkers). Aunt M. also has an eye for style and presentation that I have been missing since birth, being more of a paper plate kind of person. (Aunt M. is also blond and petite – two more things I will never, ever be.)
Holy smokes – look at the size of that mayonnaise jar!
BLT Dip:
1 block of cream cheese
1 cup mayonnaise
1 cup sour cream
1 tsp. chicken boullion (in the jar – not the little cubes)
¼ tsp. ground red pepper or cayenne
½ cup chopped parsley (flat Italian is best)
1 cup diced chicken or turkey
2 smallish Roma tomatoes, diced
6 slices of bacon, cooked and crumbled
One block of grated Swiss cheese
¼ cup grated parmesan
Did I promise this would be healthy? Again, you will find that I did not. It is rare I make a promise like that. My expanding butt, you see, can’t cash that check. But let me first try to shoehorn my clever title into this recipe:
This is a mouli:
Actually this is a vintage Mouli Grater/Shredder/Julienne/Slicer/Bass-O-Matic that I purchased on eBay. Box graters get the job done. Food processers grate with ease. But this old toy – well I think it just grates prettier. The mouli is essential for the super-secret family cheeseball recipe. It’s an old Ronco product, originally made in France – possibly one of the first ever infomercial as-seen-on-TV gadgets. The company stopped making these forever ago, and went kaput in 2001, so eBay it is. I think there are four moulis rolling around in the family.
My! you must be thinking, that must be an absolute bitch to clean. Yup, it is. The nooks have crannies and the crevices have grooves, and I will later spend 15 minutes digging out cheese bits with a toothpick. But I was able to (prettily) shred two blocks of Swiss in 5 minutes without stopping to shake out a sore arm, or assemble a giant pet-upsetting appliance. And instead of little crumbles or flat scraps of cheese, you get an elegant cappellini-like shred.
And that is how to work my clever title into the recipe, even though it doesn’t really fit. Also, here are some words that my spell-check hates: Mouli, Infomercial, Bass-O-Matic, Cappellini, Cheeseball.
This dip goes over like gangbusters (strange phrase) at work, where it’s been dubbed “Crack Dip”, in that it’s highly addictive. As a holiday treat, I’m doubling this recipe to take to work on Monday (job security).
Set the cream cheese out to soften to room temperature. Cover it: cats find cream cheese highly lickable. Add the sour cream, mayo, bouillon, and red pepper, and blend with a hand mixer.
Now it’s just assembly – and I have to apologize that I’m only going to make a tiny little plate for the purposes of this post. It looks fantastic spread out on a large-ish plate or platter, but while it’s a great make-ahead recipe, it’s better to put it together onsite – it will not travel well.
Spread the mayo mixture about a half-inch deep into the shape of your choosing – hearts, starts, purple moons, green clovers, or whatever. Sprinkle the diced chicken/turkey over the whole surface, then add half the Swiss cheese. Then parsley, then tomatoes, then bacon. More Swiss. Layer however you like. Sprinkle the parmesan over the top, and voila!
It’s just lovely, isn’t it? It doesn’t sell well on a small scale – on a large platter though, it’s impressive. And through some magic chemical reaction, the perfect means of conveyance for such a dip is tortilla chips – specifically the ones shaped like little cups. (Brand name: Tostito’s Scoopz. Store brand name: Cupz). I don’t know why these are perfect with this dip, but trust me. Or actually, trust Aunt M. since she’s better at this sort of thing than I am.
Now I just have to figure out this eye shadow, and if I’m the sort of person who can pull off a fascinator. I just bet I am.
illdothedisheslater 