You may have noticed that my photography and presentation are severely lacking when compared to other food blogs. I don’t have sunlight professionally dappling my grosgrain ribbon-tied creations. My photos are not food-porntastic. I spill things. I have pets that get in the way. I believe in the five-second rule. Sometimes I drink beer during the daytime. There is nothing twee about me.
Food porn, via www.porkulent.com – the world’s greatest food blog.
Today I am making potato soup – another original recipe, and after checking out dozens of food/cooking/recipe blogs online, I decided to try to fancy mine up a bit. I present to you the humble potato:
See? It just doesn’t work when I do it. Much like skiing, mascara, and optimism – as hard as I may try to do these things, they just are not me. But enough about that – let’s cook something delicious and unattractive.
Peel and rinse five pounds of potatoes. If you miss a spot, that’s fine. A little peel never hurt anyone. A little dirt never did either. (Also spotted in the background: cat food, post-it notes, and a drill bit set. This is a real kitchen, ladies and gents. I live here.)
Chop into one to one and a half inch chunks. Cover with water, add a handful of salt, cover the pot, and boil until the potatoes are fork-tender. Ah yes, “fork-tender” – one of those precious meaningless directions that no one ever adequately defines. What I mean here is that if you stab a potato piece with a fork and lift, it should break apart. Turn off the heat. Drain the water off – if a little is still sloshing around that is fine by me.
Now didn’t you feel like there was something missing from that picture of the ingredients?
Yep – butter. Real butter. Not some product that you can’t believe it’s not, nothing imperial, promising, or that comes in a talking tub. Nothing made from olive oil. Nothing made from soy. Nothing healthy. Real honest-to-god butter. Most cooks will tell you to always use unsalted for cooking and baking. This cook will tell you that nothing ever tasted too salty because of the butter. If you over-salt, that’s on you. Don’t blame the butter. The butter is an innocent victim. Here I use the equivalent of two sticks. Did I promise that this would be healthy? You will find that I did not.
And mush. Stir. Crush. Use a sturdy spoon and smash the potatoes to bits while the butter melts. Leave it chunky – potato chunks are awesome. Trust me. Let it cool down quite a bit now – adding the milk at this point will cause curdling. Now my husband comes in to the kitchen to explain why we need to buy yet another mobile gadget today. I recall that I kind of want to get myself a dedicated cheese refrigerator and graciously send him out shopping. (Just a little fridge. I’m not that crazy.)
I took this picture about 15 times because delicious buttery steam kept fogging the lens.
Now add milk. How much milk? (Shrugs) I bought a half gallon, and poured about half of it in, so maybe a quarter gallon? I will probably add some more as I go, since the high starch content of the potatoes will thicken the soup. Now add another handful of salt (how big? I don’t know. I have big hands and again, nothing ever turns out too salty) and freshly ground black pepper. A lot of it. I am not above using the pre-ground stuff, but fresh is best.
At this point a storm is kicking up outside – so much for sun-dappled photography! But I head out to see if my sad little tomato plants have coughed up any further bounty during this unseasonably warm October. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. A spider the size of a football has built a palace of webs around my tomato plants. I back slooooowly away. I almost took a picture, but was afraid it would melt my camera, basilisk-like. If I’d been more of a bitch about the mobile gadget, perhaps my husband would be here to slay this beast for me. Well nothing can be done about it now, so I close and lock all the doors and windows and resolve to call some real estate agents in the morning. I almost put my hand in that web. My hand!
Well I hate to admit it, but that’s about it for the soup. It’s pretty much done. It will keep in the fridge for several days. The only thing to do is let it simmer, add more milk as necessary, and top it with a shit-ton of cheddar cheese, bacon, and scallions. Imagine French onion soup, only with potato soup underneath and a thick layer of melted cheddar on top.
“WAIT a minute,” you’re thinking to yourself. “How is this any different from mashed potatoes? I nod smugly and tap the side of my nose with my finger. Exactly. This is pretty much a recipe for really thin mashed potatoes. But it makes a hearty soup, and eating a bowl of soup sounds a lot healthier than having a big pile of mashed potatoes for lunch. You can play around a lot with this very basic recipe – add roasted garlic, or peas and carrots. You can add sour cream for a little more depth of flavor. You can even add ground beef and stuff and call it Shepherds Pie Soup if you want.
Call it soup, call it mashed potatoes. Call it Potato Chili if you must. Just tie a ribbon around it and don’t forget the bacon.
illdothedisheslater 